Deep in My Heart I Know I Am a Loner

BY KAMAND | WRITER

Deep in my heart I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world or be more sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am. So I’ve learned to enjoy myself, my family, and a few good friends.

I am a loner, I have a small circle of friends that I trust. They know my life, they know my heart and they know me. I don’t have a lot of people that I would socialize with, I am careful with who tries to get close to me.

“I have found loneliness isn’t always the enemy …”

Over the tears I have become more aware that people seem to want their needs met rather than try and meet others. If we showed less selfishness or ‘me’ attitude by helping other’s we would find our own needs being met by not dwelling on our needs/wants. I wonder over the years what we teach our children about life and what we show (mirror) them. Adults are supposed to have it all together, but we don’t. We are sometimes more of a mess then our children.

“Maybe I like to be in a place where I make the decision about my life!”

Today I was acutely aware of how I have isolated myself from people that are being negative or angry, they are not the only reasons. I have kept away from being put in hole that says I should be married I should have children you’re getting old no one will want you (I’m 25). Maybe I like this singleness!! Maybe I like to be in a place where I make the decision about my life! Maybe my future is controlled by me not everyone else’s desire for my life. I look around at people doing jobs they hate going home to a house full of people that they are not happy about. Some are in relationships that have gone past there use by date and are so locked in; they are dying.

I have found loneliness isn’t always the enemy, yours and people’s expectation are.

I choose what I do.

What I eat.

When I eat it.

What I spend my money on.

Who I spend my time with.

What I wear.

What I look like.

Yes, there are times when I’m at home and I wish somebody was there but it is my choice no one to blame but me. So, I am happy to be a loner because it is my choice. What is yours?

K.

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