The Collection

8 Major Warning Signs You Are Dealing With An Emotionally Unstable Man

BY SAM | WRITER @ YOUR LIFE SUPPORT

*Article originally published by Your life Support blog on 22 February 2019.

We as humans are unique in almost every way measurable, and that includes the way we express our emotions and our reactions to certain circumstances that affect our lives. For some people, they are high on the scale of being emotional and expressing themselves. And for others, they are quite low.

This article isn’t about being emotional or sensitive. It instead has to do with people who have a hard time controlling their emotions. Such people are emotionally unstable and thus can be as a result of several factors. These factors include some form of mental health problem like depression, a past traumatic event, and so on.

Now, although emotional instability can be caused by many factors, we can see an underlying resemblance in the behavior of people inflicted with this problem. These behaviors manifest in intimate relationships like romantic ones. And hence the purpose for writing this article.

So without any further ado, let’s get to these 8 signs that suggest your boyfriend is emotionally unstable.

1. Unstable Mood Swings

This is a very prominent trait of emotionally unstable people. But this doesn’t mean that we all don’t have mood swings at times, but with the emotionally unstable, it is a lot more intense and frequent.

So if your boyfriend has frequent mood swings without any valid reason behind the phenomenon, then he is most likely unstable emotionally. This can be a tough situation to deal with since you are a partner to such a person. No day is guaranteed.

He is happy and optimistic about life one day and the next, he feels so down and negative. And when you think that that is all there is to his troubles, he gets anxious and nervous. Leaving you bewildered and stressed.

At this point, you begin to feel overwhelmed. His penchant for the extremes of emotions turns out to be too much to handle. From the minute mood swings in the day to big ones that happen for months at a time, you are in constant apprehension.

If you are in such a situation, you might want to consider the possibility of your guy being BPD — borderline personality disorder. Seek answers from a professional as it concerns these issues.

2. He Clings To Your Apron

Are you in a relationship where you feel like you are your boyfriend’s mum? That could be a big sign of him being emotionally unstable.

Now, see. Relationships aren’t supposed to be that way. The said participants in a relationship are and should behave like adults. They should be able to take responsibility for their happiness and wellness. Relationships are not and should not be used as a foundation to get your life in order.

They are for companionship and complimenting one another. Thus being the secondary source of joy and fulfillment — the icing on the cake. Any attempt to put the cart before the horse will ultimately lead to disappointment.

And that is the fate of a relationship with an emotionally unstable guy. He sees you as the answer to his numerous problems. And he would treat you like one — which might seem cute at the beginning. But as time goes on, all that love and attention will degenerate to anxiety, jealousy, and animosity.

Wonder how that would happen? Well, I’ll explain.

Boy meets girl, and the both of you fall in love. He goes overboard to treat you right. And you feel like you are in the skies (Just in case you are wondering why he does that, remember that he sees you as the ”messiah” of his life).

But that is the calm before the storm. Soon he will begin to worry that he isn’t good enough for you. Leading him to become anxious about you leaving him. He becomes even more clingy — in desperation to keep you. Now, that isn’t something you want on your hands. The worst of any human being lies in desperation.

So now, he is watching your every move through the distorted lens of his insecurities and fears. Soon all he sees is that you are either belittling him or you are cheating on him. And without a fair chance of defending yourself, he makes false assumptions and conclusions about you.

This leads to a lot of quarrels and negativity. The relationship painfully grinds to a halt. It is over, and you are left with a broken heart to fix.

If you feel like you are at any stage of this short story, make appropriate adjustment to avoid this painful end. And if you are at the tail end of it, learn your lesson.

3. His Emotions Lead The Way.

We are all emotional beings, and that can get in the way of sound decision making. But thank goodness! We don’t always let our emotions rule us — except for the emotionally unstable guy.

His emotions are the only things that direct him. He is a slave to the ebbs and flows of his emotional state — which change with high intensity and frequency. And thus, make him act out impulsively. When he is emotional — be it good or bad, he is always intense. He is completely obsessed and possessed by his emotions at the moment.

This could be mistaken for mere passion at the early stages of your relationship with him. But that sweet taste quickly leaves your mouth as you begin to deal with the consequences of the irrational (in-the-moment) decisions that he perpetually makes.

4. Victimhood Mentality

Emotionally unstable people have a thing against reality. They can’t deal with the consequences of their unreasonable actions.

They would rather prefer to live in the utopia of victimhood. This is the easier way to coast through life. And for that reason, they are very good at finding blame in everyone and everything. They are good at complaining. The woes are a result of anybody’s actions except theirs.

Have you become used to hearing one excuse after another from your boyfriend, as to why his life isn’t in order?

Does he ever take responsibility for his situation or is he always faultless?

Is he constantly whining about how everyone treats him unfairly?

Does he brag about his misfortunes being the worst of all?

If your answer is a yes, then you are most probably dealing with an emotionally unstable guy. And it is one tough full-time job.

You are constantly having to deal with his issues. He is always trying to manipulate and guilt you into keeping up with his BS. I bet he is never wrong in an argument. In fact, even when he accepts he has done something wrong, he considers it a reaction to your actions.

That kind of relationship is heading in one direction — a downward spiral to disaster. Feeling sorry for him will not make him change. He will only get worse. And you with him because you would soon begin to believe that you are actually the cause of his suffering.

Beware!

5. His Truth.

As I said before, emotionally unstable people have a hard time digesting reality. And so they are good at creating their own reality. To be PC, they see and interpret things differently.

Sadly, this is usually an unconscious thing.

If your boyfriend is fond of lying about almost everything without feeling any guilt or discomfort, then he is most likely BPD. A mental health issue whose symptoms include being unstable emotionally. Such a compulsive liar has a hard time telling the truth to everybody and themselves.

6. Makes Mountains out of Molehills.

An emotionally unstable man has heightened senses. And so every stimulus has much more effect on him. This leads him to overreact to certain situations he finds uncomfortable or pleasing.

When he is happy, it seems like he is on some happy pills, but when he is in some discomfort, he plunges into deep depression. The high highs are ridiculous, but the low lows can be terrifying.

He can’t effectively express his anger without having to cause harm and damage to himself or others around him. This could be a result of some emotional control disorder. It is expedient that he seeks professional help for that.

He could be having deep-seated emotions that aren’t easily expressed and thus leads him to overreact to any situation that triggers those fears and insecurities. This is a common problem with emotionally unstable people. They find it hard to express their deep-seated fears and insecurities.

So when put in situations that trigger those fears, emotionally unstable people become very angry. That anger serves as a cloak for the underlying emotions they have but can’t express. Thus making them react inappropriately to the circumstances they are going through.

7. He is a Journey Man

His relationships don’t last long enough. And with everything that has been said above, you wouldn’t ask why. His inability to handle his emotions will put stress on his partner and relationships as a consequence.

This attitude seeps into all his relationships. For example, he may find it hard to hold down a job, or his friends keep changing. He isn’t in good terms with whoever crosses paths with him. He also isn’t on speaking terms with his family.

If you are observing this in your partner, then that could mean that you are in a relationship with an emotionally unstable person.

Having commitment issues as a guy may just be a symptom of being emotionally unstable. And if you have to hold your breath perpetually because you don’t know what your boyfriend would do next, then you are most likely with an emotionally unstable man.

8. Never A Dull Moment

This is the drug that keeps most ladies hooked to an emotionally unstable guy.

The unpredictability of the relationship could produce an environment where you are constantly alert — aka no dull moment. There is something always going on, and there will always be some unexpected event waiting to happen.

That can be very addictive to the brain and thus make it hard for someone in such a toxic relationship to quit. The emotional rollercoaster he puts you through could make you feel so alert that you consider life without him depressingly boring.

Just know that it is just a hook. You are addicted to his mind games and antics, and you should seek professional help too. Not doing so will only lead to disaster at the end.

Sam.

An Ode to Expectations

BY RUTH LESMANA | WRITER

They say that every girl dreams of being swept off her feet by the ideal man…

I say that I dream of being swept off to different corners of the world by my goals.

They say that being alone makes you lonely and damaged…

I say that I find comfort in my own thoughts – it’s where I thrive and grow.

They say that women are too emotional…

I say that my emotions are what make me unique and connected to the world around me.

They say, “You’re pretty funny, for a girl.”

I say, “You’re pretty ignorant, for a human being.”

They say that girls should look feminine and ‘lady-like’…

I say that we’re not seeking your approval – my strength and health are my own.

They say that you’re not complete until you find your ‘other half’…

I say that I’m already whole but full of untapped potential.

They say that your adventures should be grasped before you ‘settle down’…

I say that ‘settling’ for anything isn’t part of the plan.

Hey, self.

“I don’t mind if you want to go anywhere, I’ll take you there. We can go if you want to go anywhere, I’ll take you there.”

*Inspired by Angus & Julia Stone’s, “Chateau”.

16 Days of Activisim

BY MECHELLE MOORE | WRITER

In 2018 people across the globe joined together for #16DaysOfActivism. This is a time when we remind each other that it’s only by working together we can end violence against women and girls around the world.

To celebrate the 16 days of activism (25 November to 10 December 2018) we highlighted different organisations who are doing their part to support women and girls across the globe.

Day 1: United Nations Women

“From 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, to 10 December, Human Rights Day, the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence Campaign is a time to galvanize action to end violence against women and girls around the world. The international campaign originated from the first Women’s Global Leadership Institute coordinated by the Center for Women’s Global Leadership in 1991.” – UN Women

Day 2: Life Impact International

Life Impact International is an anti-human trafficking organisation doing their part to support girls (& boys) across Thailand, Burma & Brazil. Lead by Founder, Lana Vasquez, the Life Impact International team are made up of talented & unique individuals. Many, experts in their own fields, they have the love, skills & passion to do whatever it takes to prevent, rescue & heal.

Day 3: Global Alms Incorporated

Global Alms Incorporated is an Australian not-for-profit organisation dedicated to the elimination of trafficking, sexual exploitation and physical abuse of men, women and children. Lead by Founder, Garry Bradford, the Global Alms Incorporated team, are a passionate team of young people who Go For The One. Based in Thailand, the objectives of their work are Protection, Preparation & Purpose for each individual.

Day 4: BossBabe

BossBabe’s are women who KNOW that they’re the business. In their community no dream is too big or aim too high: they encourage women to be unapologetically ambitious & equip them with the kit to create success for themSELVES. Lead by founders, Natalie Elizabeth Ellis & Dr. Danielle Canty, BossBabes is a community that was created by women for women to come together as they work to start and scale businesses.

Day 5: Yes She Matters

The ‘Yes She Matters’ program provides women an opportunity no matter their race, religion or documented status, to receive immediate help if they have been raped, sexually assaulted, abused or caught in domestic violence. Lead by founder, Mechelle Moore, the Yes She Matters team are all women trained across several fields & on call 24/7 to provide immediate help meeting victims in their homes, at the police station or local hospital. They provide Emergency Packs (clothes, undergarments, sanitary items, toiletries), a ‘Yes She Matters’ Case Advocate to offer one on one support (especially during police interviews & medical exams), Mental Health support, Training options, Personal Protection and Safety Plans.

Day 6: Te Minitatanga mō ngā Wāhine

The Ministry for Women, Te Minitatanga mō ngā Wāhine, is the New Zealand Government’s principal advisor on achieving better results for women, & wider New Zealand. Lead by Chief Executive, Helen Potiki, the Ministry carries out its work by bringing the voices, experiences & priorities of different groups of New Zealand women to government. It also works closely with other government agencies, women’s non‑government organisations and stakeholders within the private sector.

Day 7: Boss Women Project

The Boss Women Project is an upcoming podcast to share stories of extraordinary & inspirational sporting women. Lead by founder, Mollie Gray, Boss Women Project will be launched 10 January 2019. Mollie has an incredible story & this initiative will be an inspiring platform for women to share their battles, aspirations & victories!

Mollie Gray | Overcoming the odds

“Australian back-rower Mollie Gray has overcome numerous setbacks over the years. This year though, the 28-year-old faced arguably her toughest test yet.”

Day 8: Share The Dignity

Share The Dignity is an Australian Women’s charity bringing dignity to homeless, at-risk & women experiencing domestic violence through the distribution of sanitary items & funding funerals of those killed as a result of domestic violence. Lead by founder, Rochelle Courtenay, Share the Dignity has grown into a national charity.  Consequently, it has over 3,000 volunteers Australia wide, and most noteworthy, provides multiple initiatives aimed at giving dignity to women.

Day 9: Dance To Be Free

Dance To Be Free is changing the lives of incarcerated women through the healing power of collective dance. Lead by Founder, Lucy Wallace, their  first program held at the Denver Women’s Correctional Facility in July 2015 was a success. They expanded into weekly classes and now conduct a teacher-training program in Pueblo, CO, NE, WA, MS, HI and AR. Dancing in prisons for women who have experienced violence, assault & sexual abuse. What an incredible initiative to help women heal!

Day 10: Global Girls Project

The Global Girls Project is a collaboration writing project for women & girls to share their stories & advice from their own journey’s. Lead by founders, Sharon & Allison Reed, Global Girls Project also supports global literacy initiatives & improving access to education for women & girls.

Day 11: Women’s Rugby League

Girls and women playing and participating in rugby league has increasingly forged a pathway of its own – and the future is bright. A new era for Women’s Rugby League began in 2018, with increased competitions and extended pathways, built around record participation levels. It’s the same game. Played our way.

Day 12: Help Save The Kids

Help Save The Kids seeks to reduce poverty along the border and create safe living environments for children and families. Lead by founder, Judah Tana, their aim is to train students to build a Sustainable Living Centre that can be replicated along the border of Thailand/Burma. In training students with this skill set, they will be able to thrive in their communities as well as revive and stimulate local economy. 

Day 13: Red Table Talk

Red Table Talk is an American web television talk show starring Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith, and Adrienne Banfield-Norris that premiered in 2018 on Facebook Watch. Lead by founder, Jada Pinkett Smith, her daughter Willow, and mother Adrienne – three generations of women open their home for a series of candid conversations with family and friends.

Day 14: Kingdom Builders Training Centre

Kingdom Builders is a discipleship program held in Mae Sot, Thailand geared towards 16- 25 year olds. Founded by Jamie & Cole Campbell, Kingdom Builders offers a 6 month Internship Program where young people live onsite and learn vocational skills, leadership skills, character building and life skills.

Jamie Campbell consistently builds relationships with women & girls within many communities along the Thai Burma border. We love how she comes alongside women as a friend, a sister, a teacher & an advocate. Jamie shares her experiences as a woman, a young mum & a wife; she listens to their stories & experiences life’s challenges with them.

Day 15: Leaders In Heels

Leaders In Heels is a community of like-minded women who are dealing with the same challenges and obstacles as you. At Leaders In Heels you will find everything you need to survive and thrive in the modern world. Lead by founder, Kasia Gospos, Leaders In Heels has been created to nurture, inspire and empower female leaders and entrepreneurs.

“I created the Leaders in Heels Manifesto to bring to life the main qualities that make YOU a Leader in Heels successful and good at what you do in your daily life – moving up the corporate ladder, turning passion to profit and empowering other women to also reach their potential.” – Kasia Gospos

Day 16: White Ribbon Australia

White Ribbon Australia operates in collaboration with, & alongside, many other organisations working to end men’s violence against women. Our focus & strength is in mobilising men & communities to end men’s violence against women. Lead by Chief Executive Officer, Tracy McLeod Howe, White Ribbon Australia is encouraging Australians to build a future free from violence & abuse.

MM.

Because I’m a girl …

BY RUTH LESMANA | WRITER

“When I was a child, my parents wouldn’t let me walk at night by myself – because I’m a girl.”

“If a man attacks me then I won’t be able to fight back – because I’m a girl.”

“When I get married, my husband will work and I’ll stay at home – because I’m a girl.”

“Even if I don’t agree, I’ll do what my father/brother/husband/boyfriend says – because I’m a girl.”

“I don’t think I would be as strong as them – because I’m a girl.”

These are just some of the statements we hear from students and friends in the community in which we work. Each time, my heart sinks.

There’s no doubt that in some cases, they’re surrounded by cultural and safety complexities. But when girls are not ‘allowed’ to do certain things, or ‘warned’ against them – simply because they’re girls… I want to ask ‘WHY?’

Why is this a good enough reason to limit what girls can, and should do?

What good does it do, to raise girls who grow up in fear and cower at new opportunities?

When will this statement speak of possibilities and positive expectations, instead of limitations?

Not to mention the educational, health, and leadership sectors of our world; did you know that in the majority of countries, it has been reported that 40% of women who have experienced violence sought help? It’s been said that in many countries, both women and men believe that wife-beating is justified.*

They’re expected to stay silent, because they’re girls.

We need to continue working hard to equip communities to look beyond this. If girls continue to believe this, it will seep into every other part of their lives. They need to know that they can ask questions so that it broadens their future options, rather than box them in. To build teams and support networks that believe in themselves, because that’s what creates change. When individuals are encouraged and equipped to pursue their own growth, it spills out onto others.

For every student that learns to operate a sewing machine, to avoid or survive violent encounters, to share their personal stories so that they can begin to heal from traumatic experiences, to provide better care for children, and to set and achieve goals… they’re changing their understanding of this statement, “Because I’m a girl…”.

“I stand up for, and make wise decisions about my own future – because I’m a girl.”

“I show, and expect to be shown – respect, by others – because I’m a girl.”

“I’m strong, capable, and loyal – because I’m a girl.”

“I’m fierce, compassionate, and loving all in one – because I’m a girl.”

“I’m contributing positively to society – because I’m a girl.”

These are the statements that should come to mind when we hear those four words.

RL.

 

*https://unstats.un.org/unsd/gender/downloads/worldswomen2015_report.pdf