This article isn’t about being emotional or sensitive. It instead has to do with people who have a hard time controlling their emotions. Such people are emotionally unstable and thus can be as a result of several factors. These factors include some form of mental health problem like depression, a past traumatic event, and so on.
Now, although emotional instability can be caused by many factors, we can see an underlying resemblance in the behavior of people inflicted with this problem. These behaviors manifest in intimate relationships like romantic ones. And hence the purpose for writing this article.
So without any further ado, let’s get to these 8 signs that suggest your boyfriend is emotionally unstable.
1. Unstable Mood Swings
This is a very prominent trait of emotionally unstable people. But this doesn’t mean that we all don’t have mood swings at times, but with the emotionally unstable, it is a lot more intense and frequent.
So if your boyfriend has frequent mood swings without any valid reason behind the phenomenon, then he is most likely unstable emotionally. This can be a tough situation to deal with since you are a partner to such a person. No day is guaranteed.
He is happy and optimistic about life one day and the next, he feels so down and negative. And when you think that that is all there is to his troubles, he gets anxious and nervous. Leaving you bewildered and stressed.
At this point, you begin to feel overwhelmed. His penchant for the extremes of emotions turns out to be too much to handle. From the minute mood swings in the day to big ones that happen for months at a time, you are in constant apprehension.
If you are in such a situation, you might want to consider the possibility of your guy being BPD — borderline personality disorder. Seek answers from a professional as it concerns these issues.
2. He Clings To Your Apron
Are you in a relationship where you feel like you are your boyfriend’s mum? That could be a big sign of him being emotionally unstable.
Now, see. Relationships aren’t supposed to be that way. The said participants in a relationship are and should behave like adults. They should be able to take responsibility for their happiness and wellness. Relationships are not and should not be used as a foundation to get your life in order.
They are for companionship and complimenting one another. Thus being the secondary source of joy and fulfillment — the icing on the cake. Any attempt to put the cart before the horse will ultimately lead to disappointment.
And that is the fate of a relationship with an emotionally unstable guy. He sees you as the answer to his numerous problems. And he would treat you like one — which might seem cute at the beginning. But as time goes on, all that love and attention will degenerate to anxiety, jealousy, and animosity.
Wonder how that would happen? Well, I’ll explain.
Boy meets girl, and the both of you fall in love. He goes overboard to treat you right. And you feel like you are in the skies (Just in case you are wondering why he does that, remember that he sees you as the ”messiah” of his life).
But that is the calm before the storm. Soon he will begin to worry that he isn’t good enough for you. Leading him to become anxious about you leaving him. He becomes even more clingy — in desperation to keep you. Now, that isn’t something you want on your hands. The worst of any human being lies in desperation.
So now, he is watching your every move through the distorted lens of his insecurities and fears. Soon all he sees is that you are either belittling him or you are cheating on him. And without a fair chance of defending yourself, he makes false assumptions and conclusions about you.
This leads to a lot of quarrels and negativity. The relationship painfully grinds to a halt. It is over, and you are left with a broken heart to fix.
If you feel like you are at any stage of this short story, make appropriate adjustment to avoid this painful end. And if you are at the tail end of it, learn your lesson.
3. His Emotions Lead The Way.
We are all emotional beings, and that can get in the way of sound decision making. But thank goodness! We don’t always let our emotions rule us — except for the emotionally unstable guy.
His emotions are the only things that direct him. He is a slave to the ebbs and flows of his emotional state — which change with high intensity and frequency. And thus, make him act out impulsively. When he is emotional — be it good or bad, he is always intense. He is completely obsessed and possessed by his emotions at the moment.
This could be mistaken for mere passion at the early stages of your relationship with him. But that sweet taste quickly leaves your mouth as you begin to deal with the consequences of the irrational (in-the-moment) decisions that he perpetually makes.
4. Victimhood Mentality
Emotionally unstable people have a thing against reality. They can’t deal with the consequences of their unreasonable actions.
They would rather prefer to live in the utopia of victimhood. This is the easier way to coast through life. And for that reason, they are very good at finding blame in everyone and everything. They are good at complaining. The woes are a result of anybody’s actions except theirs.
Have you become used to hearing one excuse after another from your boyfriend, as to why his life isn’t in order?
Does he ever take responsibility for his situation or is he always faultless?
Is he constantly whining about how everyone treats him unfairly?
Does he brag about his misfortunes being the worst of all?
If your answer is a yes, then you are most probably dealing with an emotionally unstable guy. And it is one tough full-time job.
You are constantly having to deal with his issues. He is always trying to manipulate and guilt you into keeping up with his BS. I bet he is never wrong in an argument. In fact, even when he accepts he has done something wrong, he considers it a reaction to your actions.
That kind of relationship is heading in one direction — a downward spiral to disaster. Feeling sorry for him will not make him change. He will only get worse. And you with him because you would soon begin to believe that you are actually the cause of his suffering.
5. His Truth.
As I said before, emotionally unstable people have a hard time digesting reality. And so they are good at creating their own reality. To be PC, they see and interpret things differently.
Sadly, this is usually an unconscious thing.
If your boyfriend is fond of lying about almost everything without feeling any guilt or discomfort, then he is most likely BPD. A mental health issue whose symptoms include being unstable emotionally. Such a compulsive liar has a hard time telling the truth to everybody and themselves.
6. Makes Mountains out of Molehills.
An emotionally unstable man has heightened senses. And so every stimulus has much more effect on him. This leads him to overreact to certain situations he finds uncomfortable or pleasing.
When he is happy, it seems like he is on some happy pills, but when he is in some discomfort, he plunges into deep depression. The high highs are ridiculous, but the low lows can be terrifying.
He can’t effectively express his anger without having to cause harm and damage to himself or others around him. This could be a result of some emotional control disorder. It is expedient that he seeks professional help for that.
He could be having deep-seated emotions that aren’t easily expressed and thus leads him to overreact to any situation that triggers those fears and insecurities. This is a common problem with emotionally unstable people. They find it hard to express their deep-seated fears and insecurities.
So when put in situations that trigger those fears, emotionally unstable people become very angry. That anger serves as a cloak for the underlying emotions they have but can’t express. Thus making them react inappropriately to the circumstances they are going through.
7. He is a Journey Man
His relationships don’t last long enough. And with everything that has been said above, you wouldn’t ask why. His inability to handle his emotions will put stress on his partner and relationships as a consequence.
This attitude seeps into all his relationships. For example, he may find it hard to hold down a job, or his friends keep changing. He isn’t in good terms with whoever crosses paths with him. He also isn’t on speaking terms with his family.
If you are observing this in your partner, then that could mean that you are in a relationship with an emotionally unstable person.
Having commitment issues as a guy may just be a symptom of being emotionally unstable. And if you have to hold your breath perpetually because you don’t know what your boyfriend would do next, then you are most likely with an emotionally unstable man.
8. Never A Dull Moment
This is the drug that keeps most ladies hooked to an emotionally unstable guy.
The unpredictability of the relationship could produce an environment where you are constantly alert — aka no dull moment. There is something always going on, and there will always be some unexpected event waiting to happen.
That can be very addictive to the brain and thus make it hard for someone in such a toxic relationship to quit. The emotional rollercoaster he puts you through could make you feel so alert that you consider life without him depressingly boring.
Just know that it is just a hook. You are addicted to his mind games and antics, and you should seek professional help too. Not doing so will only lead to disaster at the end.